I Didn't Want To Regret It, But I Think I Might.

This summer I battled with myself on whether or not I was going to race this Cross Country season which will complete my last year of college.

That's a scary thought in itself.

I self finance my education, my apartment, my bills, everything and Cross Country takes up a lot of time. A lot of time for practice and meets equals a lot of missed hours at work. Which equals less money to go towards my education, my apartment, my bills.

I fought with myself for a while and ultimately decided against it. My scholarship at Saint Rose is for Track and Field, meaning I am required to do Track but not Cross Country. I love Cross Country and I love my team which is why this was so hard for me. I worked out a deal with my Track coach that instead of doing pre-season with them I would be running with my Cross Country team on the days when I worked in the morning so I could get to practice at night.

This meant I would not be racing but just practicing with the team.
I did not want to regret my decision.

But I do.

I miss my team immensely. I understand I see them three times a week, but most of the fun comes during meets and over night events. I miss the racing and I miss the complete dedication to something I love.

I don't think I would have been able to survive on my own, monetarily speaking, if I had done both but I now wish that there had been another solution. This would have been the end of a chapter with my team if I had completed all four years, but now I feel a little sense of loss.

I wish to not regret this because there's nothing I can do about it now. But instead I will try to pull from it the good and move on knowing that some things just have to be done a certain way in order to endure situations you are put in.